Blood Brother, Space Brother
by wingedflower
Summary: (taking place around mid-season 4) Pidge has finally found her brother and Lance was happy for her, he truly was. But after filling the role of her big brother for so long, he couldn't help but feel like he was... left out.


**Note: rating is due to a major injury, but there isn't any graphic description of the injury.**

-x-

Lance groaned and plopped onto his bed, long legs dangling over the edge. Pidge was supposed to be at his room nearly half a varga ago for their weekly video game session. It was a tradition they started ever since they finally figured out how to hook up the game they had bought at the space mall (much thanks to Hunk's engineering skills), and one of the few traditions they actually managed to follow between the never-ending battles, training and regular castle duties. And although Pidge used to spend every free minute of her time in her lab, she _never_ missed the weekly game night. Apparently there was one thing in the universe she loved more than tinkering with technology - and that was kicking Lance's butt in Killbot Phantasm I (which was usually the case, much to Lance's dismay).

Lance huffed in annoyance and pulled himself off the bed. He has been waiting for this all week and there was no way he was going to let Pidge blow him off so easily. No, the green paladin better have a good excuse for her absence or he was going to let her have a piece of his mind.

He barely made it around the corner of the hall when he heard a mixture of loud, excited voices coming out of the lab.

"So we just need to enter these coordinates into the table I created - " Hunk said.

"And run the decoding program over the whole thing - " Pidge continued, barely able to contain herself as her voice rose in pitch with every word.

"And _bam!_ A whole network of Galra satellites is at the palms of our hands," Matt concluded, and Lance could practically _hear_ the satisfied smirk that probably covered his face right now. He was followed by a unified cheer, and Lance's shoulders dropped.

 _Of course._ Ever since Pidge came back to the castle with her brother - it was less than a week ago, but somehow it felt so much longer - she was spending all of her time with him, usually accompanied by Hunk, who was more than happy to have another tech nerd to share his big ideas with. After showing Matt around the castle, the three of them practically moved into Pidge's lab, coming up with one brilliant idea after the other to strengthen the castle's security while improving their ability to track down the Galra. Lance didn't understand any of it, of course, but judging by Coran and Allura's delight after they heard about the latest upgrades, it seemed like the addition of another Holt to their small group was more than a blessing - not to mention the fact that Pidge simply couldn't stop smiling, now that she was finally reunited with her long-lost brother.

Lance sighed in acceptance. Sure, he missed hanging out with his friends, but he couldn't be mad at Pidge for wanting to be with her brother right now. She just got him back after months of desperate search and false hopes, and Lance would be damned if he took it away from her. Besides, Matt seemed like a pretty cool guy in general, and considering what he'd been through, Lance really had no reason to hold a grudge against him (aside from his obvious attempts at flirting with Allura, which Lance certainly did _not_ approve).

Guess he'll have to get used to play the solo version of Killbot Phantsma I for a while. It wasn't as fun as having a partner, but Pidge's happiness was worth it.

Lost in thought, Lance barely caught Hunk declaring "I think this moment deserves some celebratory milkshakes" before the big guy stepped out of the lab. Lance flinched and tried to sneak back to where he came from, but Hunk has already noticed him. His face broke into a sincere smile and he waved at Lance. "Hey, buddy! What'ya doing here?"

Lance opened his mouth to answer, but no voice came out. What could he say? That he was looking for Pidge so they could play their silly video game when she was clearly busy doing something way more important? But before he managed to come up with an answer, two ginger heads appeared outside the door and stared at him.

"Hello Lance!" Matt called. "Listen, you gotta see this new decrypting system we just came up with! It's _awesome!_ "

"Leave him alone, Matt, he isn't going to understand anything anyway," Pidge said, and Lance's eye twitched for a moment. She wasn't wrong, but it still didn't feel very nice to hear that.

"So, did you need anything?" Hunk asked. "You never come to visit us at the lab."

"Um - " Lance stuffed his hands into his pockets, trying to act as casual as possible. "Not really - I mean, I was looking for Pidge, but that's not - " _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ Why was he so bad at lying?

Pidge tilted her head to the side. "Looking for me?" she repeated. "Why?"

Lance sighed. Guess he had no choice but to go along with it and hope she won't snap too hard at him. "Well," he said, looking at the floor, "You didn't show up to play Killbot, so, you know, I thought I'd just check on you, but now I see you're busy with something else, so... yeah. Nevermind. Sorry to bother you guys."

Pidge's eyes widened and she slapped her forehead with her palm. "Oh, Quiznak! I totally forgot!" she looked truly regretful, which only made Lance feel worse.

"No, it's cool," he rushed to say, "You don't have to - "

"Killbot?" Matt wrinkled his forehead. "You mean like Killbot Phantasm? That game we always played at the basement for hours until Mom had to drag us out for dinner?"

"That's _exactly_ what I mean," Pidge said smugly. "And not just _any_ Killbot Phantasm - I'm talking about Killbot Phantasm _one,_ the - "

" - _first journey to the depths of the demon's sphere?!_ " Matt yelled, nearly falling off his feet. "Oh my god, that's the _best_ version of this game! All the sequels were sooo lame! How the hell did you get this here in space?!"

"Lance and I bought it at a store that sells all kinds of junk from Earth," Pidge said, pushing her glasses casually. "Apparently that's a thing."

"It's also where they got Kaltenacker," Hunk added. "The cow."

"Oh," Matt's eyes widened in understanding. " _Now_ I get it." He turned to Lance with an eager smile. "Can I come play with you guys? Please! I haven't played this in _ages!_ "

Lance blinked, still pretty flabbergasted by the way the conversation turned in the past minute. "Um - " his voice came out suspiciously high, and he cleared his throat. "Sure, man. I mean, this game isn't really meant for more than two players, but we can take turns, yeah, whatever."

"Awesome." Matt turned to Hunk. "Hunk, care to join us?"

"Nah, I've never really understood this game," Hunk shrugged. "I'd rather go work on those milkshakes. I'll catch up with you guys later."

"I call first round!" Pidge announced and leapt forward, pulling her brother by the hand. Matt gasped and stumbled as he tried to keep up.

Lance stared after them for a moment, then shook his head and dragged his feet at the direction of his room, trying to shake off the sudden tightness that wrapped around his chest.

When he got there Pidge and Matt had already settled on the floor in front of the screen, their eyes bright with excitement. Matt handed Lance one of the consoles. "Here. You take the first round against Pidge. It's your room after all."

"Oh. Sure, thanks." Lance dropped to the floor next to Pidge, who smirked at him. "Ready to have your ass handed to you on a silver tray, Lance McClaine?" she chimed.

"Bring it on, gremlin," Lance hissed, squaring his shoulders in determination.

His ass was indeed handed to him barely five minutes later, and he all but threw the console on the floor, grabbing his hair in frustration while Pidge whooed.

" _That's_ how it's done!" She called and raised her arm to get a high-five from Matt.

"No fair!" Lance cried. "You were totally cheating!"

"For the last time, Lance, using an upgraded weapon isn't cheating, it's playing the game the way it _should_ be played," Pidge said impatiently. "You're just a sore loser."

"Am _not_!"

"Whatever. Anyway, it's Matt's turn, so beat it."

Lance scooted to the side, muttering under his breath. Matt sent him an apologetic smile before grabbing the console and starting the game over.

This round lasted much longer than the previous one, as Matt turned to be skillful in the game no less than his sister. Lance found himself fascinated to the screen as he watched the fight. It was quick and intense and incredibly close - for a second it looked like Pidge was about to win, but then Matt came back at her with some brilliant move Lance didn't even know that existed in this game. It went on like this for nearly fifteen minutes until an announcement of a tiebreaker popped on the screen.

Matt released a long breath. "Damn it, Pidge, you got better at this!"

"Well, you're not so bad yourself," Pidge replied, panting as well. "I gotta say, this is the first time I've had a real challenge since we installed this," she turned to Lance, a smirk tugging at her lips once more. " _About time_."

Lance felt his chest tightens a bit more. Normally he didn't care too much about Pidge's teasing - especially during their game nights, when things had a tendency to heat up rather quickly and he himself spared her no insults - but something about it now made him feel a pang of loss he couldn't quite explain.

"So, are we going to start the tiebreaker or what?" Pidge cracked her neck a few times. "Come on, I'm on _fire!_ "

"Ah..." Matt glanced at Lance hesitantly. "I don't know... I mean, we've been playing for pretty long by now..."

Lance raised his hands in reassurance. "Hey, don't mind me! I mean, it ain't over 'till it's over, right?" he babbled and put on his widest grin, hoping it didn't look too much like a grimace.

Matt seemed to relax at that. "Okay," he said and turned his eyes back to the screen. "Let's see what you got, Pidge!"

The tiebreaker turned out to be just as intense as the previous level, but this time Lance found himself losing interest rather quickly. And judging by the way both siblings' eyes were glued to the screen, their fingers hitting the consoles so fast they became blurry, neither of them particularly cared whether Lance was watching or not.

"I think I'm gonna go and help Hunk with Kaltenacker," Lance said eventually, his voice hollow. All he got in response was a short hum from Pidge and a nod from Matt.

Lance excused himself from his room, closing the door silently behind him. He started walking in no particular direction, feeling lonely and drained and ashamed of himself at the same time. What was wrong with him? Was he actually jealous of Matt? And for what - for the fact that Pidge was favoring his company over anyone else's? He was her _brother,_ for Quiznak's sake. A brother she had thought she lost for good only to miraculously get him back. There was no way in the universe Lance could suppress that - it was selfish of him to even think so, especially since he knew how strong this kind of relationship could be, growing up with six brothers and sisters himself.

So why did his heart feel so heavy?

-x-

Lance's sharp eyes scanned the room back and forth, his grip on his bayard steady and strong even though so far he did not locate any Galra. He was standing in front of the control panel Pidge and Matt were busy tinkering with, ready to take down anyone who will dare try and disturb the two siblings in their work.

It was the first time Matt joined the paladins on a mission; their goal was to steal a valuable Galran database, which supposedly included details about a large network of prisoner camps. Considering how heavily secured this database was, there was absolutely no one better for the job than the Holt siblings. Lance's job was to keep guard while Pidge and Matt were decrypting and downloading the data, and he was determined not to fail them.

It was taking time though. Lance didn't know how long exactly they had been in this room, but every minute counted when you were deep inside an enemy's ship. And judging by the occasional curses which came from the control panel, they weren't close to finish yet.

It was when Lance turned his head to ask about their status when a soft clunking sound drew his attention. His head snapped back forward and he instinctively raised his bayard, but he didn't see anyone. He bowed his head in confusion, narrowing his eyes at the dim light.

And that was when he finally noticed the small, round object lying on the floor ahead of him.

A grenade.

Lance's breath hitched. Someone must have thrown this through a hidden gap in the wall or the ceiling, knowing that it was a lot safer than approaching the blue paladin in person and risking getting shot.

Lance knew he only had seconds to act. He turned back to Pidge and Matt, but the warning call was caught in his throat at the sight of them, crouching on the floor so close to each other their heads nearly touched, fully focused on their job and oblivious to the death trap lurking only a few feet away.

A series of vivid images raced through Lance's mind at that moment.

The dark bags under Pidge's eyes as she stumbles out of her lab after another sleepless night, the way her shoulders are hunched and her mouth drooped down, indicating she had failed again in discovering anything useful about her family's whereabouts.

Pidge emerging out of the green lion, looking exhausted but overjoyed as she steps aside to reveal her brother, introducing him to the team with such pride she seems like her heart is about to burst out of her chest.

Pidge showing Matt around the castle, jumping and chattering nonstop as Matt struggles to keep up, looking at his sister with confused eyes and a gentle smile.

Pidge and Matt sitting in Lance's room, their eyes wide and lit with the blue reflection of the screen, completely lost in their own small world.

And in that moment, Lance realized two things.

One, there was no way the three of them were going to make it out of this room alive.

And two, he would never be able to forgive himself if he let this family be torn apart again.

He finally managed to shout "Watch out!" as he threw himself forward, pressing his entire bodyweight against the grenade.

Not a second later there was a horrible, burning sensation as his entire abdomen exploded in unfathomable pain, and then there was nothing.

-x-

Lance was distantly aware of the soft _swoosh_ of the pod's door as he stumbled forward, bumping into something hard and warm.

"Easy there, bud," Hunk muttered and lowered Lance to the floor, wrapping a thick blanket around his shivering figure. "Can you look at me? How do you feel?"

Lance blinked several times until his vision cleared and he could see Hunk's worried face. His friend looked as if he hadn't slept for several nights in a row, and Lance's heart clenched at the thought. "I... I think I'm fine," he croaked. Quiznak, his throat was _sore_. He hated cryo. "A bit dizzy, y'know, but it's probably just normal pod fati - "

He didn't have the chance to finish his sentence as something green and blurry lunged at him suddenly, knocking all the air out of his lungs as he fell backwards and landed flat on his back on the cold infirmary's floor.

"Wha - " Lance gasped, trying to get his breath in order.

" _What were you thinking?!_ " Pidge screamed at him. She straddled his hips and grabbed him by the collar of his pod suit, her nose mere inches from his. " _You Quiznakin' idiot!_ "

" _Pidge!_ " Hunk cried in horror. "What are you doing? He just woke up!"

"He looks perfectly well to me!" Pidge snarled. "Or at least, well enough to hear what I have to say! Which is _a lot!_ "

"I think we should leave these two alone," Shiro muttered somewhere in the background. Lance tried to crane his neck to get a better look at the room, but Pidge's tiny hands were still pinning him down to the floor with surprising force. He heard hushed voices and then the sound of the infirmary's doors sliding close.

Lance had no choice but stare at Pidge's face, which filled his entire field of vision. Her cheeks were red with fury and her lips were tight and twisted as if she was trying very hard not to snap at him again. And although she wasn't particularly heavy, there was still some sensitivity to his middle area, where her legs were pressing uncomfortably against his aching muscles.

"Um," Lance started, glancing sideways. "I'm not usually bothered by cute girls sitting on my lap, but this is going a bit too fast... how about dinner first?"

Pidge gritted her teeth. "You're unbelievable," she groaned, although she did shift a little to ease her weight on his abdomen. "I would expect that explosion to finally rid you of your terrible jokes, but I guess it's too much to ask for."

Lance gave a hesitant, crooked smile. "Come on," he teased. "It takes more than one bomb to kill my extraordinary sense of humor."

Pidge did not look amused the slightest bit. In fact, her lower lip started to quiver so hard she had to take a deep breath before speaking up again.

"Why did you do that?" she asked in a low voice. "Why did you jump on the grenade?"

Lance gulped. What could he possibly say? He didn't want her to feel guilty.

He shrugged, trying to approach the subject as casually as possible. "You guys were in danger," he said. "I just tried to protect you."

His answer did little to satisfy Pidge. "You tried to protect us by getting yourself killed?"

"Well I didn't exactly intend the last part to happen," Lance said with a frown. "It just... happened, okay? It was probably the adrenaline, the heat of battle, whatever. I hadn't given it too much thought at the time. This is war, you know; people do crazy shit sometimes."

" _No_ ," Pidge said, narrowing her eyes. "People do crazy shit during war, but _suicide_ is not one of them. This isn'tnormal, Lance, and I'm not buying it."

Lance sighed. "Look, Pidge, I don't know what else you want me to say. Can't we just be glad that I'm alive and forget this ever happened?"

Pidge let out a frustrated cry and finally released Lance's collar, grabbing her own hair instead. "Would you _stop_ talking like that, for fuck's sake?!" she shrieked. "Honestly, I can't even stand you anymore!"

"Talking like what?" Lance asked, utterly confused and slightly alarmed by Pidge's outburst.

"Like your life doesn't matter!" Pidge yelled, her fist hitting the floor next to Lance.

Lance winced. "That's not - "

"Oh, don't you start, I already told you I'm not buying it," Pidge cut him off. "We can't just 'forget this ever happened'. You nearly _died_ , Lance, you realize that? If the others hadn't been there on time..." she shuddered, shoulders dropping as if every bit of energy she had was gone at once. Her eyes suddenly glistened with what could only be the beginning of tears and she squeezed them shut, her head dropping to her chest.

"Pidge..." Lance tried, but Pidge shook her head fervently, eyes still closed.

"I'm such a horrible person," she said in a tight voice. "I - I thought I lost you forever and now that you're back all I do is yelling at you and treating you like crap. _Again._ " She released a bitter laugh. "Like I always do to the people I love. Quiznak, what is _wrong_ with me?"

Lance pulled himself to a sitting position and carefully laid a palm on Pidge's slender shoulder. "You're not a horrible person," he said softly. "You're just... well, you do have a short temper, but hey, Keith is a hothead himself and you wouldn't call him horrible person, right?"

Pidge shook her head again. "I'm not just talking about now," she said. "I've been treating you like crap over the last couple of weeks and you... you've never said anything. And then you went and sacrificed yourself for me, even though I didn't deserve it because was _such_ an asshole."

Lance's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

Pidge sniffled a couple of times. "I've been totally ignoring you," she whispered. "I was so busy hanging out with Matt I forgot about my other friends." Her hands clenched into fists. "And that's... that's _not_ right. Matt is my brother, but you guys are family too. I should have never taken you for granted, not when - when this terrible war is still going around and I can literally lose you any minute..." she hiccuped and buried her head in Lance's chest, her shoulders wrecked with sobs.

Lance stiffened for a second, trying to recall when was the last time he saw Pidge openly cry like this and failing, but he quickly pulled himself together and lowered his hand from Pidge's shoulder to her back, rubbing it gently. "Don't blame yourself," he muttered. "You just got your brother back after searching for him for so long; it was only natural for you to want to spend time with him. I get that, I really do. Hell, I would give anything to see my family again." And he truly meant that.

Pidge didn't seem convinced though. "This still doesn't justify the way I treated you at our last game night," she spoke into his chest. "I didn't even look at you when you left, I just laughed at you and called you a loser and - " her voice was so choked now she was barely able to continue, "and what if those were the last words I've ever told you?"

"But they weren't."

"But they _could_ have been," Pidge insisted. "And - and that wasn't the first time something like this has happened! Back on Arus, when the Galra infiltrated the castle? I was already on my way out when the bomb went off. I was actually ready to leave without saying goodbye while you risked your life to save Coran, whom you barely knew at the time. Just like you did now for me and Matt. So _don't_ tell me I'm not a horrible person, Lance, because I really, _really_ suck at being there for my friends when they need me. I wish... I wish I was more like you."

Lance laughed, albeit hysterically, mostly because he didn't know what to say to that. "You don't have to run into bombs to be a good person, you know," he said shakily. "Honestly, I think one self-sacrificing lunatic on the team is more than enough."

Pidge huffed out a breath, although Lance wasn't sure if it was a laugh or another sob.

There were a few moments of silence before Pidge spoke again. "You know why I wanted to buy Killbot Phantasm I so badly?"

"Because you're a hopeless nerd?"

Pidge sniffled once more. "Because this game was such a huge part of Matt's childhood and mine," she said quietly. "We spent so many hours playing this - we finished it about a dozen times and we would still start it over and over. So I thought that playing it at the castle will help me get back a part of him. That it'll make things a bit easier.

"And I was so glad that you agreed to play it with me because you've always reminded me _so much_ of him, Lance. You're both kind and generous and have the lamest sense of humor - "

"I'll take that as a compliment," Lance deadpanned.

"- But after a while, I realized that the memory of Matt wasn't the reason I enjoyed playing this game so much," Pidge finally raised her head and looked straight at Lance, eyes red and puffy, but determined. "It was _you_ , Lance. You were the only one who's been able to distract me from thinking about my family, if only for a while. And you did it simply by being yourself. Yours jokes may be dumb, but they were one of the few things that kept me sane.

"Those game nights were _our_ thing - mine and yours. You're so much more than a Matt replacement, Lance, and I'm sorry for ever letting you feel otherwise."

Pidge barely managed to finish talking before Lance pulled her into a tight embrace, burying his face in her messy hair. He felt her short arms wrapping around his back, returning the hug.

"I missed you, gremlin," he breathed.

"I missed you too, space brother," she mumbled.

Lance giggled wetly. " _Space brother?_ Like space dad Shiro?"

"A-ha. Why, you don't like it?"

Lance smiled into Pidge's hair. "I love it."

"Good." Pidge pulled back and gave him a jab in the ribs. "And don't ever pull a trick like that again, okay? Or I swear I'll program the pods to shave your head the next time you hop in."

Lance brought a hand to his head, horrified. "Not the money maker!"

Pidge rolled her eyes. "I thought your face was 'the money maker'?"

"It's the whole package, baby," Lance said with a wink, earning another eye roll. "Speaking of which," he added carefully, "My lower body kind of went numb a while ago..."

"Oh! Sorry." Pidge rolled off him clumsily, her cheeks bright red again. Lance snorted and reached out a hand, and Pidge instantly grabbed it, helping him to a stand. He swayed slightly and leaned on her for support, shaking his legs to get rid of the pins and needles.

"Hey," he suddenly remembered. "What about the database? Did you manage to get it on time?"

Pidge's face fell for a brief moment. She glance to the side, chewing her lower lip. "No. After... after the explosion we had to get out of there as fast as possible, so... yeah. It didn't finish downloading."

Lance squeezed Pidge's shoulder sympathetically. "I'm sorry. I know how much this information was important, especially to you and Matt."

Pidge shrugged and pushed her glasses up her nose. "It's cool. We'll have another chance." She released a long breath. "Well, I think I better take you to the kitchen before Hunk storms in here and force-feeds you," she offered, wrapping one arm around Lance's lower back.

"That's a very good idea. Poor guy has probably turned the kitchen over by now."

As if on cue, the doors to the infirmary slid open, but it wasn't Hunk; it was Matt who stood at the entrance, apparently contemplating whether to come in or not.

"Hey, man!" Lance waved at him cheerfully. "What's up?"

Matt scratched his neck sheepishly. "Oh, um, they just sent me to check on you guys. Hunk's been freaking out for a while now..."

"Yeah, sorry about that. We'll be right there," Pidge said.

Matt quirked an eyebrow. "Are you... sure? I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Nah, everything's great," Lance smiled and felt Pidge's hand squeeze his side lightly.

Matt returned the smile. "Okay," he said. Then his face became serious again. "Um, Lance?"

"Yes?"

Matt stepped forward until he was standing right in front of Lance, then reached out his arm for a shake. "Thank you for saving our lives back there," he said earnestly. "I owe you one."

Lance only stared at him for a moment. Then he chuckled lightly and took Matt's hand in his own, shaking it weakly (he really needed to get some food in him after the cryo sleep). "No problem," he said. "I'll do anything for you guys."

Matt shifted his weight from leg to leg. "But seriously," he mumbled, "I don't know how to repay you - "

"You can start by coming up with a simpler way to start up our game," Pidge cut him off. "It takes forever to load, and it's really annoying."

Matt tapped his chin, already in deep thought. "It _has_ been awfully slow..."

"You're not expecting me to understand how he's going to do that, aren't you?" Lance asked wearily.

"Of course not," Pidge said, sending him a warm smile. "All you have to do is show up on time and play with me."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Lance promised.


End file.
